Once women find sisterhood there’s nothing stronger
Sering kita mendengar istilah sisterhood?
Sisterhood membawa erti berkaitan dengan persahabatan antara perempuan. Kamus Cambridge menyebut sisterhood bererti rasa persahabatan dan dukungan yang kuat antara perempuan dalam aksi untuk meningkatkan hak-hak perempuan; hubungan antara saudara perempuan. Memiliki ikatan persaudaraan kuat akan membantu seseorang untuk selalu berfikiran positif. Sisterhood bukanlah kumpulan wanita untuk bergosip, membuat satu sama lain cemburu, atau basa-basi belaka.
Dalam budaya yang didominasi laki-laki, wanita sukar memperjuangkan hak-haknya. Bahkan jika wanita berusaha sekuat tenaga, mereka akan tetap menghadapi kesulitan memenuhi harapan masyarakat.
Ya wanita juga memerlukan wanita lain sebagai peneman yang kuat dan supportive
Kita semua adalah makhluk sosial, dan wanita akan berkembang lebih baik ketika mereka rasa dimiliki dan disenangi. Melalui sisterhood, wanita mampu membuat hubungan emosional yang mendalam dan bertahan lama.
Dukungan emosional bererti dilihat, didengar, dan difahami. Itu salah satu hal paling diperlukan wanita, dan sesuatu yang boleh didapatkan daripada persaudaraan sisterhood ini.
Sisterhood Memberdayakan
Sains juga telah membuktikan bahawa persaudaraan itu baik untuk kesihatan. Tetapi tidak sekadar itu, persaudaraan ini jauh melampaui ranah fisik semata. Dalam sisterhood, wanita bisa diberdayakan. Kerana dalam sisterhood, setiap mereka sangat penting, dan apa yang dikatakan, dirasakan, dan difikirkan itu penting. Berada dalam ikatan sisterhood, perempuan bisa menjadi diri mereka sendiri. Berkumpul dalam sisterhood juga membuat mereka dapat melepaskan sisi maskulin yang selama ini dituntut masyarakat. (teks ini saya petik daripada sebuah portal).
Dan apa itu persaudaraan (sisterhood), persahabatan? Sahabat itu kata Saidina Ali Abu Thalib, adalah orang yang mampu memberikan pemahaman akan pentingnya menjaga hubungan yang baik. Sahabat menjadi sumber inspirasi, orang yang mampu menjaga kehormatan dan saling mendukung dalam kebaikan. Ia juga seperti ubat penyejuk kala dalam kesulitan, bukan hanya saat kita bahagia. Yang selalu memberikan kata semangat, bukan mencari-cari kesalahan dan kelemahan. Dan menerima kita seadanya, bukan menuntut kita untuk berubah sesuai keinginannya. Bukan yang iri hati dan menginginkan kegagalan kita.”
Menjaga persahabatan, elak sebaik mungkin hal-hal yang tidak menyenangkan dia. Elak membawa cerita yang boleh menyakiti hatinya atau kawan-kawan kamu yang lain.Terutama bila di dalam satu kumpulan, cari topik yang boleh membuat semua dalam kumpulan itu senang. Ini tidak, kamu terus bercerita dan bercerita tanpa memikirkan ada orang di situ tidak senang dengan cerita kamu itu. Ada orang di situ yang tidak mahu diasak dengan cerita yang membuat dia sakit hati dan marah. Bila berkawan mesti jaga perasaan orang lain juga. Mungkin kamu suka topik politik dan kamu menyokong orang orang tertentu dan dia tidak, jadi mengapa berterusan bercakap hal demikian? Itu maknanya kamu tidak peka dengan perasaan orang, tidak menghormati persahabatan itu sendiri. Lainlah kalau sama-sama berdebat dan itu hal biasa dalam perhubungan, persahabatan. Kalau dia diam (dia telah memberi isyarat dia tidak gemar topik tersebut) tetapi kalau kamu terus memekak, maknanya kamu sudah cari fasal untuk meretakkan perhubungan. Hendak meluahkan perasaan dan pendapat di dalam kumpulan yang lain yang sekepala, silakan.
Sahabat atau kawan; ada yang datang seketika, tetapi hadirnya itu amat bermakna. Ada dalam seketika itu sempat mendusta. Ada yang sekian lama menjalin hubungan dan keakraban lebih daripada adik beradik. Ada, yang mengajar perkara yang kita tidak tahu dan yang paling penting dia menjadikan kita insan mulia di sisi Allah, mengajak kita kenal masjid. Dan inilah yang kita mahu. Ulama Tabi’in Imam Hasan al Basri mengatakan, “Perbanyak bersahabat dengan orang yang beriman dan yang bertakwa kepada ALLAH SWT, kerana sesungguhnya mereka akan dapat memberikan syafaat pada hari kiamat kelak.”
“Wahai Tuhan kami, mereka (yang masih tinggal di neraka) pernah berpuasa bersama kami, solat dan juga Haji.” Maka dijawab Allah S.W.T, ”Keluarkan (dari neraka orang yang kalian kenal. Sehingga wajah mereka diharamkan untuk dibakar oleh api neraka.”
By chance we met, by choice we became friends. No friendship is an accident
Jujur saya katakan saya tidak punya ramai kawan tetapi yang ‘segengam’ itu cukup membuat saya gembira memilikinya. “I am very fortunate to have them as friends. I feel very close to them. I think friends are everything in life after your family,” kata teman saya Norida. Gembira melayani mereka, seronok bila bercerita, suka bila bersama, senang melayani cerita mereka. Rasa bersalah bila terpaksa tidak dapat menghadiri majlis mereka sedang kita yang ditunggunya tetapi kerana keadaan memaksa, you missed the chance to be together. Benar kata penyair Ana Tayler, “Some people arrive and make such a beautiful impact on your life. You can barely remember what life was like without them.”
Saya akui juga saya pernah dikecewakan oleh insan yang mengakui juga dia akan menjadi sahabat paling setia, tetapi dia sendiri ‘mencabul’ janji-janjinya lengkap dengan fitnah dan sebagainya. Bila dia tersedar salahnya amat besar, dia datang mohon dimaafkan. Ya saya maafkan tetapi nasi sudah menjadi bubur dan hati telah retak. I had a hard time forgiving and still trying to forget. Saya rasa terbaik ialah jangan lagi berhubungan. Tutup buku dengan dia dan doakan kesejahteraannya. Saya akui that there is no instant magical wave of a wand that makes everything rosy again. Terbaik I move on.
Kasih Sayang Sesama Teman
Sahabat itu dekat
Bukan hanya kala di sisi
Sahabat itu jauh sangat
Namun sentiasa melekat di hati
Birds of the same feather flocks together
Demikian perumpamaan orang berbicara
Some do ponder and ask… does it matter?
Buat para sahabat, darjat tak jadi perkara
Usah risau perihal status
Kerana kita diciptaNya berbeza
Bagai darah dicincang tak putus
Persahabatan kita kekal terpelihara - nukilan Mahani Awang
Saya sempat menemu ramah empat tokoh wanita, YM Dato’Paduka Toh Puan Seri DiRaja Noor Aini binti Abdullah, Datin Seri Khadijah Abu Bakar, Toh Puan Nora Muhamad dan Puan Mahani Awang daripada La Belle Femme, kumpulan yang ditubuh atas dasar kasih sayang sesama teman-teman dan kecintaan untuk membuat kerja-kerja amal.
Kualiti yang paling menarik mengenai teman-teman sister dalam Belle Femme?
Dato’ Paduka Toh Puan Seri Noor Aini. “That we do not pass judgment on each other's choices on how best to live our lives. We definitely care for one another, but we do not condemn anyone should we not agree on something. We respect everyone's decisions, views and opinions.”
Datin Seri Khadijah “Most BL sisters are very good in certain ways. Like Dato’ Paduka Nora she is popular as the guru for etiquette and we can see how she carries herself and even she planned for what theme suitable for our next gathering. And we have two outstanding ex editors in our group : Wirda Adnan and Mahani Awang! We mentioned these two names, I am sure most ladies out there in the era of 80s and 90s knew them. And Datin Nora Tan Sri Abu Hassan, a social activist, speaker and a writer of "Born to Smile" and most of them can sing very well.”
Puan Mahani Awang “Paling terharu dengan sikap prihatin and their caring way. I remember when I had my heart surgery, everyone was concerned and showed their care and most importantly I had the moral support from them. I truly appreciate that it’s like a booster that encourages me to get up, pick up the pieces and move back on my feet.”
TP Nora “Kindness. Always, there for each other! and sharing both joy and sorrow True sisterhood is about lifting each other up with love and support.”
Most cherished memory together?
Dato’ Paduka Toh Puan Seri Noor Aini “Every BF get together has always been very special. But perhaps the most cherished times are when we share stories that only those who are very close to each other will share. This is because we know that everything told is in safe hands.”
Datin Seri Khadijah “I like the spirit and positive way when we meet. Cheerful, positive vibes among us. We sometimes set a theme color or dress that we should wear to make our lunch interesting when we pose for pictures.”
Mahani Awang “The thing is, we don’t see each other that often but we are in touch through our group chat everyday.
That’s how we keep abreast of everyone’s difficult times. Sometimes you don’t need the issue to be solved but knowing that someone out there cares and always has a shoulder to cry on is more than enough.’
TP Nora “To be frank, we had good memories together because every time we meet, it is a special occasion where everyone will take the time and effort, for example we will have a theme on the dress code or celebration. Even discuss the venue, food ambiance. We love to create a mood for every occasion. That is what makes it a lot more fun… and the best part is, we are all so sporting and that makes our meeting fun and always a looking forward event.”
True friendships are..
Dato’ Paduka Seri Noor Aini “They are loyal and trustworthy, honest, totally non-judgemental, sympathetic, respectful, and dependable.”
Datin Seri Khadijah “Ia mengenai rasa sayang, percaya dan jujur di dalam persahabatan.”
Mahani Awang “To me a true friend is someone trustworthy and honest. Other qualities such as caring and loving is a bonus but at the same time she is strong enough to help you through the challenges you are faced with, is what I look for in a friend.”
TP Nora “True friends celebrate your success without envy, stand by you in your lowest moments, and tell you the truth even when it’s hard. They respect your boundaries, bring out the best in you, and make you feel valued, never alone. True friends know you well & will accept you with your flaws.”
What qualities do you believe make someone a good sister/friend/ human being?
Dato’ Paduka Seri Noor Aini “That we do not pass judgment on each other's choices on how best to live our lives. We definitely care for one another, but we don't condemn anyone should we not agree on something. We respect everyone's decisions, views and opinions.”
Datin Seri Ķhadijah “Kindness. For me that's the number one important quality in a person. If you don't have that, who are you really? I believe kindness makes the world a better place, and we can all benefit from it, and it doesn't cost you anything. The rewards of bringing joy to others are priceless.”
Mahani Awang “To me a true friend is someone trustworthy and honest. Other qualities such as caring and loving is a bonus but at the same time she is strong enough to help you through the challenges you are faced with, is what I look for in a friend.
TP Nora “Empathy, honesty, and reliability form the essence of a true friend. We have that, we uplift one another, we respect boundaries.”
In what ways have we supported each other through difficult times?
Dato’ Paduka Seri Noor Aini “We always make it very clear via our chat group that we are just a phone call away for anybody who needs us, it doesn't matter what the circumstances may be. And it has become very obvious that we really do mean this.”
Datin Seri Khadijah “We always keep in touch and share whatever that should be shared. If any of us have personal problems, usually the senior ones will closely be in touch and to make sure she is okay. We will help in whatever way we can. InshaAllah.”
Mahani Awang “The thing is, we don’t see each other that often but we are in touch through our group chat everyday. That’s how we keep abreast of everyone’s difficult times. Sometimes you don’t need the issue to be solved but knowing that someone out there cares and always has a shoulder to cry on is more than enough.”
TP Nora “Standing by one another, offering a listening ear & encouragement. Whether in moments of struggle or celebration, we have a safe space to heal and grow together. No judgement!”
How have you learned about self love?
Dato’ Paduka Seri Noor Aini “I have learned this via many life-changing experiences that have seen me at my lowest. And whenever I have to face these challenging situations, the one realization that always crops up is that the reason I manage to overcome even the most difficult of circumstances is because I respect myself. I respect my choices and decisions. And I respect the fact that if I didn't love myself, no one else would.”
Datin Seri Khadijah “Self love is not selfish; it is essential. It means appreciating yourself, taking care of your own needs and supporting your own happiness. Hence, when you have a positive view of yourself and a confident mind, the sky's the limit.”
Mahani Awang “To love others, even your family members, you need to love yourself and care for yourself first. Empathy for example is meaningless if you can’t help someone. That’s why one needs to love oneself in order to be strong in many ways: health wise, financially for others that she or he cares about.”
TP Nora “Self-love is about embracing our worth, setting boundaries, and prioritizing our well-being. It means choosing growth, letting go of negativity, and surrounding ourselves with people who uplift us.”
Please say something about you?
Dato’ Paduka Seri Noor Aini “In all honesty, I feel I am a very loyal person. I consistently demonstrate dedication, faithfulness, and support to my family members and friends, even when facing setbacks and various reasons for me to turn away.I definitely try at all times to keep my promises.”
“I will also do my best to understand and share in the emotions and experiences of those I value.”
Datin Seri Khadijah “I am a very simple and straightforward person. And certain things I am quite serious about even though you see me always smiling. I do not know how to tell bad things about friends because I am the type that does not want any negative feelings towards others. When others start talking bad about someone that I know off, I would rather avoid it because it's really not me.”
Mahani Awang “Firstly I believe in myself and live by my standards. I treat others the way I want to be treated and cherish relationships and friendship. Though I’m not loud, that does not mean I just follow the flow… when my opinion persists, I’ll speak up.”
Kata-kata Semangat Persahabatan
Mahani Awang Sahabat bukan tentang siapa yang anda kenal paling lama tetapi yang datang dan tidak pergi. Setengah daripada mereka saya dah kenal lebih dua dekad dan ada yang lebih empat dekad.
Kelakarnya, ada juga yang pernah merajuk dan marah tapi satu perkara, kami dah maçam adik beradik… lepas tu kami baik-baik saja.
Satu yang saya perhati dan puji, tiada rasa cemburu di antara kami. Jika ada yang berjaya di antara kami, it’s celebration for all!
TP NORA “Some friendships last a lifetime, while others fade—but those who stay through thick and thin are the ones who truly matter. That’s what we are, we have known each other bertahun!’
Good friends are hard to come by. A true friend will stay with you through thick and thin… all I can say.”
